#CES2011 — ViNCi Tablet: The Tablet for Babies and Young Children.

“The tablet for babies”? It may sound crazy to give a baby who may not even be able to walk an electronic that normally costs many hundreds of dollars and is incredible fragile. But the ViNCi tablet developed by Rullingnet is something different.

Beyond disgusting: Piggy banks…made with real baby pigs.

Imagine the look of your little daughters face when you reward her birthday with one of the old classic gifts — a piggy bank. Except this bank is very different from the rest. It’s made from an actual baby piglet carcass. Fucked up — yes!

TheCheeky.com has had some questionably tasteful products before. But even looking back into their catalog, I’m hard pressed to find something as gross as this. One other strike against the little-pink-banks-sure-to-spur-nightmares-for-years-to-come, a $4,000 fee ($2,000 up front and $2,000 once the bank has been completed) and 12-month wait are required.

According to the Cheeks, only pigs whom died of natural causes are being used. Take it for what you want. But to me, that basically says they’re slaughtering baby pigs in mass quantities to make their cutsie little banks. Anyone interested? Go ahead…I won’t judge you. The internet may not be as nice however…

Raise ‘em right: The AT-AT Walker Stroller

You know the saying “Teach ‘em while they’re young” ? Usually it refers to some crass habit or mannerism the great uncle (or dad) exhibits routinely. But it doesn’t always have to mean something undesirable. Such a case is perfectly highlighted with the above image — an AT-AT Walker. Star Wars has a cult following. It’s one of the geekiest, nerdiest movie series in the history of mankind spanning across furniture, toys, clothing, food and now, baby strollers.

If I were one to have a kid on the way, I’d make sure I picked up a few of these AT-AT strollers to outfit my miniature galaxy with. Like the saying goes: “Teach ‘em while they’re young…”

Make

Weed, Check!…Whiskey, Check!…Wait, what about our baby?

This isn’t techy by a long shot, it really is quite horrible, but I did think it was absolutely amazingly hysterical. Have you ever been sitting around smoking a fatty drinkin some Jack and realize you still have to deal with your children? I know this feeling (not really), not sure what to do with them when you want to get sloshed out of your mind. As parents we put up with a lot, don’t get me wrong, and sometimes we need to just be left alone and allowed to get screwed up with our significant others.

That is exactly what Larry Long of Kentucky said two nights ago. He had been smoking the sticky icky at the restaurant he worked at, when he proceeded to his house to drink mass amounts of whiskey with his childs mother. High as a giraffes ass, and drunk out of his mind he proceed to gently lay his baby, not in a manger, not in a crib, but in his oven as he went to bed. Now, I’ve been pretty f00ked up before, had no idea how I made it to bed, or even made it home, but, I’ve never once put either of my children in the oven. I can honestly say the thought has never even crossed my mind.

Mr. Long didn’t switch the oven on, it was left off, and even left it slighty ajared(I’m assuming the baby was afraid of the dark, and he wanted to make sure it had some light) and it wasn’t until 5.30am the next morning he was startled awake by a crying baby.  After realizing what an idiot he was, he immedietly phoned a mental health crisis hot line, who then alerted the proper authorities.

Larry Long blames the wise decision on the weed, saying it was probably laced with a hallucinatory agent. That is some gooooooooood shit! He was, of course, placed in jail with a bail set at $10,000.  The baby is in the custody of family members, not the wife! Hopefully he gets pummeled in prison for being such a n00b!

New York Post

Rocco: The energy generating, resourceful horse of course.

Parents near and far have probably heard their kid ask for a new toy upon entering into a store at least half a billion times. Most times they’re met with a quick and sharp “No!”. Denying the kid doesn’t phase you in the slightest because god knows you kneed another damn cheap plastic toy riddling your floors. If your child happens to ask for “Rocco”, you may want to pause before you sharply reply with a “No” the next time.

To start off, Rocco is a rocking horse that generates it’s own energy. Pretty novel concept. But why does a rocking horse need electricity to start with? To power the light up ears of course. Ok, so now we’ve got a gimmicky childrens toy — as if that’s anything new. But wait, there’s one more step. Those light up ears can be yanked out and used as flashlights. Now that’s ingenuity. Seriously. A rocking horse, energy generator and tool for cases of emergency. Ya, that’s awesome.

Unfortunately, my soon to be baby seed won’t be playing on this in the near term. Not because they won’t be able to get on and off but because Rocco is noting more than the dream in designers Aaron Tsui, Irina Kozlovskaya, Jasen Mehta, and Sergio Silva’s heads. If Rocco were to come to market however, I can see a pretty huge following behind him. I mean what’s not to like. Money saver, kid pleaser, and overall cool looking are pretty good reasons to buy.

Here’s to hoping…

Coolest-Gadgets

The real “Jesus Phone” has arrived!

Time and time again since the original iPhone’s release, people have praised it as the ultimate, uber, jesus phone. A phone in which no one has seemingly be able to top. Somehow two and a half years later, hardware and software engineers alike have still failed to fully garner a response similar to the first ones we saw during June 2007. The Droid may have been named Time’s “Gadget of 2009, but whenever someone uses the name “Jesus Phone”, only one image sticks in my mind. Can any phone ever claim the “Jesus Phone” moniker away from Apple? Just ask the creator of “The Real Jesus Phone”.

Ok, it’s just an iPhone, laying in the spot a manger would be and displaying a baby Jesus on the screen. It’s funny, very funny. I had a whole box of rofl’s and lmao’s after seeing that one. You the same?

Gizmodo

Twoddler gives your baby a voice. Tweets his playtime habits with ease.

Interested in genealogy and observing how traits and characteristics are passed down from generation to generation? Things such as build, eye color, skin tone, etc. are the most obvious shared traits. As the world becomes increasingly digital however, we should start noticing within the next couple of decades “digital traits” passed along. Not sure what I mean? A perfect example of “building” such traits into your children and starting your kids young so that they’re technologically fluent by the time they are potty trained can be seen in the “Twoddler”. No it’s not some invented age category to make children in between younger ages feel better about themselves. Instead, it is a unique social networking toy for toddlers and younger children.

Operation is simple being, a device targeted for those of an age who can’t read and have the attention span of the dogs in Pixar’s “Up” (Squirrel!), I would hope that using it wouldn’t cause toddlers to pull out what little hair they have. When your toddler pushes the various buttons and plays with the multitude of turney things and noise makers, Arduino sensors on board capture the data and transmit it wirelessly (via ZiggBee)to a computer which does all of the heavy lifting. The data from the toy is then turned into random yet tactful tweets that mom and dad can follow. To give you a taste, a couple examples of the tweets the Twoddler can send — when say, pressing a picture of mom — include:

• @mommy_bobby Bobby misses mommy and looks forward playing with her this evening

• @mommy_bobby Bobby is having a temper tantrum and wants mommy home now.

Is the whole concept and idea corny? Eh, a little. But at the same time I’m left thinking: “Where was the twoddler when I was a kid?” It’s a cool device that should at least keep baby entertained for months and mom and dad for at least a few days — after which the constant @mom’s will drive you insane. Still, you have to appreciate the attempt at reaching an untapped market. What other geeky gadgets do you think would benefit those under 5?

Neatorama > Wired — GadgetLab > Twoddler

Proudly display the progress on your little software package in the making.

While it may seem irrelevant and odd that I bring up the subject of maternity clothing on a tech blog, I promise it has relevance. As the image illustrates above, the more attractive geek in your life can now show the world just how far along your little program is in the development cycle. While not technically a gadget, it is a pretty humorous gift for the pregnant woman in your life. Scientists claim that babies in the womb can pick up on sounds and movement during pregnancy. Why not osmosis and the idea of influence to boot? Hopefully, your little program will come out with a yearning for all things geek. While the loading process might not always be the most fun or enjoyable, just reminisce back to the coding phase before hand. Make us proud! Oh by the way, just in case you were wondering: If you take a child and transform them into 1′s and 0′s, apparently it equals out to 4.65 Terabytes. (According to Think Geek that is). Head on over to Think Geek today and get yours today!

Source: Slippery Brick, Gadget Venue, Think Geek